LETTER 9

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“TheWorksofCharlesandMaryLamb—Volume5（.shg.tw）”

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LETTER9

CHARLESLAMBTOS.T.COLERIDGE

[P.M.October3，1796.]

Mydearestfriend，yourletterwasaninestimabletreasuretome.Itwillbeaforttoyou，Iknow，toknowthatourprospectsaresomewhatbrighter.Mypoordeardearestsister，theunhappyandunconsciousinstrumentoftheAlmightysjudgmentstoourhouse，isrestoredtohersenses;toadreadfulsenseandrecollectionofwhathaspast，awfultohermind，andimpressive（asitmustbetotheendoflife）buttemperdwithreligiousresignation，andthereasoningsofasoundjudgment，whichinthisearlystageknowshowtodistinguishbetweenadeedmittedinatransientfitoffrenzy，andtheterribleguiltofaMothersmurther.Ihaveseenher.Ifoundherthismorningcalmandserene，farveryveryfarfromanindecentforgetfulserenity;shehasamostaffectionateandtenderconcernforwhathashappend.Indeedfromthebeginning，frightfulandhopelessasherdisorderseemed，Ihadconfidenceenoughinherstrengthofmind，andreligiousprinciple，tolookforwardtoatimewhenevenshemightrecovertranquillity.Godbepraised，Coleridge，wonderfulasitistotell，Ihaveneveroncebeenotherwisethancollected，andcalm;evenonthedreadfuldayandinthemidstoftheterriblesceneIpreservedatranquillity，whichbystandersmayhaveconstruedintoindifference，atranquillitynotofdespair;isitfollyorsininmetosaythatitwasareligiousprinciplethatmostsupportedme?Iallowmuchtootherfavorablecircumstances.IfeltthatIhadsomethingelsetodothantoregret;onthatfirsteveningmyAuntwaslyinginsensible，toallappearancelikeonedying，—myfather，withhispoorforeheadplasteredoverfromawoundhehadreceivedfromadaughterdearlylovedbyhim，andwholovedhimnolessdearly，—mymotheradeadandmurderdcorpseinthenextroom—yetwasIwonderfullysupported.Iclosednotmyeyesinsleepthatnight，butlaywithoutterrorsandwithoutdespair.Ihavelostnosleepsince.Ihadbeenlongusednottorestinthingsofsense，hadendeavordafteraprehensionofmind，unsatisfiedwiththe"

ignorantpresenttime，"

andthiskeptmeup.Ihadthewholeweightofthefamilythrownonme，formybrother，littledisposed（Ispeaknotwithouttendernessforhim）atanytimetotakecareofoldageandinfirmities，hadnow，withhisbadleg，anexemptionfromsuchduties，andIwasnowleftalone.Onelittleincidentmayservetomakeyouunderstandmywayofmanagingmymind.Withinadayor2afterthefatalONE，wedrestfordinneratongue，whichwehadhadsaltedforsomeweeksinthehouse.AsIsatdownafeelinglikeremorsestruckme，—thistonguepoorMarygotforme，andcanIpartakeofitnow，whensheisfaraway—athoughtoccurrdandrelievedme，—ifIgiveintothiswayoffeeling，thereisnotachair，aroom，anobjectinourrooms，thatwillnotawakenthekeenestgriefs，Imustriseabovesuchweaknesses.—Ihopethiswasnotwantoftruefeeling.Ididnotletthiscarryme，tho，toofar.Onthevery2dday（Idatefromthedayofhorrors）asisusualinsuchcasestherewereamatterof20peopleIdothinksuppinginourrooTheyprevailedonmetoeatwiththem，（fortoeatIneverrefused）.Theywereallmakingmerry!intheroom，—somehadefromfriendship，somefrombusycuriosity，andsomefromInterest;Iwasgoingtopartakewiththem，whenmyrecollectioncamethatmypoordeadmotherwaslyinginthenextroom，theverynextroom，amotherwhothrolifewishednothingbutherchildrenswelfare—indignation，therageofgrief，somethinglikeremorse，rusheduponmymindinanagonyofemotion，—Ifoundmywaymechanicallytotheadjoiningroom，andfellonmykneesbythesideofhercoffin，askingforgivenessofheaven，andsometimesofher，forforgettinghersosoon.Tranquillityreturned，anditwastheonlyviolentemotionthatmasteredme，andIthinkitdidmegood.

ImentionthesethingsbecauseIhateconcealment，andlovetogiveafaithfuljournalofwhatpasseswithinme.Ourfriendshavebeenverygood.SamLeGricewhowasthenintownwaswithmethefirst3or4firstdays，andwasasabrothertome，gaveupeveryhourofhistime，totheveryhurtingofhishealthandspirits，inconstantattendanceandhumouringmypoorfather.Talkdwithhim，readtohim，playdatcribbagewithhim（forsoshortistheoldmansrecollection，thathewasplayingatcards，asthonothinghadhappened，whiletheCoronersInquestwassittingovertheway!）.Samuelwepttenderlywhenhewentaway，forhismotherwrotehimaverysevereletteronhisloiteringsolongintown，andhewasforcedtogo.Mr.NorrisofChristHospitalhasbeenasafathertome，Mrs.Norrisasamother;thowehadfewclaimsontheAGentleman，brothertomyGodmother，fromwhomweneverhadrightorreasontoexpectanysuchassistance，sentmyfathertwentypounds，—andtocrownalltheseGodsblessingstoourfamilyatsuchatime，anoldLady，acousinofmyfatherandAunts，aGentlewomanoffortune，istotakemyAuntandmakeherfortablefortheshortremainderofherdays.

MyAuntisrecoverdandaswellasever，andhighlypleasedatthoughtsofgoing，—andhasgenerouslygivenuptheinterestofherlittlemoney（whichwasformerlypaidmyFatherforherboard）wholelyandsolelytomySistersuse.Reckoningthiswehave，DaddyandI，forourtwoselvesandanoldmaidservanttolookafterhim，whenIamout，whichwillbenecessary，￡170or￡180（rather）ayear，outofwhichwecanspare50or60atleastforMary，whileshestaysatIslington，whereshemustandshallstayduringherfatherslifeforhisandherfort.IknowJohnwillmakespeechesaboutit，butsheshallnotgointoanhospital.ThegoodLadyofthemadhouse，andherdaughter，anelegantsweetbehavedyoungLady，loveherandaretakenwithheramazingly，andIknowfromherownmouthshelovesthem，andlongstobewiththemasmuch.—Poorthing，theysayshewasbuttheothermorningsaying，sheknewshemustgotoBethlemforlife;thatoneofherbrotherswouldhaveitso，buttheotherwouldwishitnot，butbeobligedtogowiththestream;thatshehadoftenasshepassedBedlamthoughtitlikely"

hereitmaybemyfatetoendmydays—"

consciousofacertainflightinessinherpoorheadoftentimes，andmindfulofmorethanonesevereillnessofthatnaturebefore.ALegacyof￡100，whichmyfatherwillhaveatXmas，andthis20Imentionedbefore，withwhatisinthehousewillmuchmorethansetusClear;—ifmyfather，anoldservantmaid，andI，cantliveandlivefortablyon￡130or￡120ayearweoughttoburnbyslowfires，andIalmostwould，thatMarymightnotgointoanhospital.LetmenotleaveoneunfavourableimpressiononyourmindrespectingmyBrother.Sincethishashappenedhehasbeenverykindandbrotherly;butIfearforhismind，—hehastakenhiseaseintheworld，andisnotfithimselftostrugglewithdifficulties，norhasmuchaccustomedhimselftothrowhimselfintotheirway，—andIknowhislanguageisalready，"

Charles，youmusttakecareofyourself，youmustnotabridgeyourselfofasinglepleasureyouhavebeenusedto，"

&c&candinthatstyleoftalking.Butyou，anecessarian，canrespectadifferenceofmind，andlovewhatisamiableinacharacternotperfect.Hehasbeenverygood，butIfearforhismind.ThankGod，Icanunconnectmyselfwithhim，andshallmanageallmyfathersmoniesinfuturemyself，ifItakechargeofDaddy，whichpoorJohnhasnotevenhintedawish，atanyfuturetimeeven，tosharewithme.TheLadyatthismadhouseassuresmethatImaydismissimmediatelybothDoctorandapothecary，retainingoccasionallyanopeningdraughtorsoforawhile，andthereisalessexpensiveestablishmentinherhouse，whereshewillonlynothavearoomandnursetoherselffor￡50orguineasayear—theoutsidewouldbe60—Youknowbyoeconomyhowmuchmore，even，Ishallbeabletospareforherforts.

Shewill，Ifancy，ifshestays，makeoneofthefamily，ratherthanofthepatients，andtheoldandyoungladiesIlikeexceedingly，andshelovesdearly，andthey，asthesayingis，taketoherveryextraordinarily，ifitisextraordinarythatpeoplewhoseemysistershouldloveher.OfallthepeopleIeversawintheworldmypoorsisterwasmostandthoroughlydevoidoftheleasttinctureofselfishness—Iwillenlargeuponherqualities，poordeardearestsoul，inafutureletterformyownfort，forIunderstandherthroughly;andifImistakenot，inthemosttryingsituationthatahumanbeingcanbefoundin，shewillbefound（Ispeaknotwithsufficienthumility，Ifear，buthumanlyandfoolishlyspeaking）shewillbefound，Itrust，uniformlygreatandamiable;Godkeepherinherpresentmind，towhombethanksandpraiseforallHisdispensationstomankind.

LAMB.

Coleridge，continuetowrite;butdonotforeveroffendmebytalkingofsendingmecash.Sincerely，andonmysoul，wedonotwantit.Godloveyouboth!

Iwillwriteagainverysoon.Doyouwritedirectly.

ThesementionedgoodfortunesandchangeofprospectshadalmostbroughtmymindovertotheextremetheveryoppositetoDespair;Iwasindangerofmakingmyselftoohappy;yourletterbroughtmebacktoaviewofthingswhichIhadentertainedfromthebeginning;Ihope（forMaryIcananswer）butIhopethatIshallthrolifeneverhavelessrecollectionnorafainterimpressionofwhathashappenedthanIhavenow;tisnotalightthing，normeantbytheAlmightytobereceivedlightly.Imustbeserious，circumspect，anddeeplyreligiousthrolife;bysuchmeansmaybothofusescapemadnessinfuture，ifitsopleasetheAlmighty.

Sendmeword，howitfareswithSara.Irepeatit，yourletterwasandwillbeaninestimabletreasuretome;youhaveaviewofwhatmysituationdemandsofmelikemyownview;andItrustajustone.

[AwordperhapsonLambssalarymightbefittinghere.Forthefirstthreeyears，fromjoiningtheEastIndiaHouseonApril5，1792，hereceivednothing.Thisprobationaryperiodover，hewasgiven￡40fortheyear1795-1796.This，however，wasraisedto￡70in1796andthereweremeansofaddingtoitalittle，byextraworkandbyasmallholidaygrant.In1797itwas￡80，in1799￡90，andfromthattimeuntil1814itroseby￡10everysecondyear.

SamuelLeGricewastheyoungerbrotherofValentineLeGrice.BothwereatChristsHospitalwithLambandColeridgeandarementionedintheEliaessayontheschool.SamLeGriceafterwardshadamissioninthe60thFoot，anddiedinJamaicain1802，asweshallsee.]

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